Surviving the Holidays With Family: 9 Ways to Protect Your Energy
If there’s anything I want people to take from this post, it’s that efforts to surviving the holidays needn’t be dreaded. If we go into it with a clear mind and solid plan, we can make this time of year something to enjoy regardless of our personal situations and past experiences. What should be remembered is that the protection of your energy and peace of mind is what’s most important. See, while for many people, the holidays bring warm lights, cozy traditions, and joyful gatherings, for others it’s the season of emotional landmines, awkward conversations, and tension thick enough to slice with a fruitcake knife. So, if you fall into the latter, I believe it would be worth it to take a little time to frame these final days of the year around what makes you content and not give in to the pressures and dramas that are just waiting to pounce on you. Don’t sacrifice your mental health for the sake of “holiday spirit.” This year, you officially have permission to seek peace over pressure, and create a Christmas that feels safe, joyful, and on your terms.
Why Protecting Your Peace Matters During the Holidays
Whether this time of year brings happiness or stress, we all can admit we can get stretched a little thin. Everyone from your mama to your boss will be vying for your attention and time, and it will fall on you to figure out how to divvy that up while also (somehow) still holding space for yourself. But you don’t owe anyone more than what you owe yourself, and at the end of the day there are some things to remember that will keep you on track to enjoying a beautiful and relaxing holiday season:
- Emotional stress impacts your physical health (sleep, immune system, digestion).
- Boundaries are a form of self-respect. They are not selfish.
- You can still have a meaningful holiday without toxic interactions.
- Your kids (if you have them) are watching how you handle boundaries. This can model healthy behavior for them.
9 Ways to Protect Your Peace This Holiday Season
Going into the holidays with a game plan will be key. I believe you deserve to have an amazing time that is fun, relaxing and befitting of your standards. Take some time to write down what you fear about the upcoming holidays and what you want out of them. Think about and consider work parties, family gatherings, friends get togethers, your own schedule, and any plans you may have with your partner, kids, pets, etc. Use the 9 tips below to help organize your thoughts and solidify a plan that works for you!
1. Set Clear Boundaries in Advance – I find that setting clear boundaries and making them known to your family before you arrive is helpful. It gets everyone on the same page and makes it a little easier to stand up for yourself if someone tries to cross any lines during the gathering. Just calmly stay strong and restate your boundaries. Moments like this don’t have to be confrontational. They’re simply your way of creating space for peace and sanity during a hectic season. Here are some helpful tips:
- Communicate limits early (how long you’ll stay, what topics are off-limits).
- Sample language: “I can’t stay for dinner, but I’d love to join for dessert.”
- Decide what you’ll say “Yes” to and stick to it.
- Use neutral but firm language.
2. Make Alternative Plans – There’s no holiday playbook that says you have to do the traditional thing. If you don’t want to be around family, then don’t. If you don’t want to go to the office party, then don’t! Since the main theme of this holiday season is about protecting your peace and surviving the holidays with family, then we have to admit to ourselves that sometimes that means ditching them altogether! I have put some thought into this already and have a blog on the way… but until then here are some ideas for an alternative Christmas:
- Take a Road Trip Instead of Staying Home.
- Give Your Time Through Volunteering.
- Hunt Down Offbeat Events.
- Ignore It Altogether.
- Create Your Own Micro-Tradition.
3. Limit Exposure to Known Stressors – One big focus of the holidays should be to set yourself up for success. You can do this by intentionally avoiding the people or situations that you would normally have a negative reaction to. It’s okay to say no to anything that’s not going to make you feel loved and comfortable. Maybe forgo the large family events and opt for smaller gatherings with select family members instead. Or maybe arrange a nice brunch instead of an all-day visit. There are lots of ways to celebrate with family in ways that allow for a calmer and more peaceful experience for everyone!
4. Have an Exit Strategy – Not only is it a good idea to have an exit strategy worked out before you even arrive at your event, but knowing you have a way out can also set your mind at ease and takes some of the pressure off. For example, if you drive yourself as opposed to being picked up, then you have full control over when you leave. Or having a “code phrase” with your partner or friend allows for discreet exits when your social battery is full. Creative exit strategies help alleviate holiday stress!
5. Protect Your Time – Please keep in mind that it really is okay to say yes, but on your terms. I know that can be difficult to communicate with loved ones, but you have to admit that occasionally it’s necessary to adjust plans and make your peace a priority. I know boundaries can feel awkward to communicate at times, especially with family, but instead of over-explaining, keep your responses short, respectful, and to the point. Saying things like “I’m going to sit this one out”; “That doesn’t work for me, but thank you for understanding”; or “I’d love to see you, but I need to leave by 8” are all nice ways of approaching get togethers on your own terms.
6. Practice Grounding Techniques Before & After Gatherings – Surviving the holidays with family can be boiled down to your mentality going into and coming out of these gatherings. Taking a moment or two to get yourself grounded before and after any and all events you attend this holiday season will be paramount for your sanity as you navigate this time of year. Find ways to level out your anxiety and calm your heart rate by doing one or both of the following:
- Breath-work, meditation, journaling, or a walk before going in.
- A calming ritual for when you return home like a warm bath and tea, or your favorite movie and a cozy blanket.
7. Choose Joyful Distractions – A perfect way to get through the end of the year as unscathed as possible, is to sprinkle in a bunch of activities for yourself! Whether you need to do some things for yourself only or with your partner and/or kids, this is a great time to connect to the things and people who bring you peace and don’t drain your energy! Examples could be movie or game nights, a big family puzzle, or even taking time to bake your favorite snacks, then enjoying them with some wine! Whatever fun activities that steer focus away from any outside conflicts.
8. Release the “Perfect Holiday” Expectation – One part of survival during this time of year is about breaking the mental chains you’ve put on yourself. You can start by releasing this idea that there is a such thing as a “perfect holiday.” At the end of the day, we’re all human and things sometimes go wrong. It’s okay! Just have fun and stop trying to control the outcome. And, hey, if something does go wrong then it makes for a fun story for all future holidays! Life isn’t a movie so just focus on real connection and not appearances.
9. Make Peace Your Priority – Yup! It’s that simple! Just decide that peace is what it’s all about and then act accordingly! Things like creating your own traditions, putting yourself first, keeping your mind right, and finding affective mantras are all tools that are helpful when deciding peace is your goal.
- Remind yourself daily: “My peace matters more than pleasing everyone.”
- Build traditions that honor your needs first.
- Keep your calendar from getting overloaded with obligations.
- Say “no” without apology. “I’m keeping things simple this year.”
- Carve out time for rituals that feel grounding — lighting a candle, journaling, watching your favorite holiday movie, or celebrating with chosen friends. Centering yourself makes it easier to handle the rest.
Before You Go…
If there’s a takeaway from this, let it be that not only is peace not selfish, but it’s the foundation of holidays that are joyful and the embodiment of peace. You don’t need permission to create a space that feels like you, but in case you need to hear it, I’m telling you that the holidays are yours to do with what you please. Let’s reframe your thinking around it… It’s not, nor has it ever been, a source of contention and anxiety. Let it be the fun and peace you want it to be!
Have any tips to add?! Comment with your best boundary-setting tip and share with a friend who needs the encouragement!
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