The Art of Solitude: Learning to Love Your Own Company
Sometimes there comes a moment in a woman’s life when she realizes something is missing. That somewhere between building careers, raising babies, healing heartbreak, reinventing herself, or simply waking up one morning overwhelmed; she can’t hear her voice anymore. Her sense of self has become shallow and practically invisible in the movement of day-to -day life. The art of solitude is not even a blip on her radar much less the way of life she once knew or longed for. But deep down she knows that the grounded kind of self-assurance that keeps us happy, secure, and confident doesn’t come from her relationships, work, or community, but from herself. The piece she’s missing can’t be found in anyone else’s hands.
Actually, solitude is where we all can find it. Not loneliness or isolation, but tried and true solitude. The kind that feels like sinking into a warm bath after a long day. The kind that nourishes your nervous system, strengthens your intuition, and helps you hear your own voice again.
By the time you reach your 30s and 40s, solitude stops feeling like a luxury and starts becoming a necessity. It becomes the place where you remember who you are when no one is needing you, validating you, or pulling at your energy. It becomes the room where you hear thoughts you forgot you had and desires you didn’t realize you were repressing. And slowly, you begin to understand that the most powerful relationship you’ll ever have is the one you build with yourself.
I call it the art of solitude, and it’s one of the greatest forms of self-love a woman can cultivate. In this blog, I’ll explain some of the ideas and practices behind learning to love and appreciate your own company,
Being Alone is a Superpower
Let’s be honest, many of us were never taught how to be alone. Most women were raised to be everything but comfortable with themselves. We learned how to be desirable, helpful, productive, accommodating, accomplished, partnered, and needed. But no one ever pulled us aside and said, “Hey, you know that wholeness you’re craving? You find it in your own company.”
And us women who do learn to love being alone rarely broadcast it, because it’s not a secret. It just becomes such a natural, unshakeable part of us that it doesn’t need to be announced. And, speaking for myself, I honestly forget other women haven’t already discovered the joy of spending time alone. Bottom line, being happy with yourself is like having a silent superpower. It protects your peace, sharpens your intuition, and elevates your standards without you having to try.
The art of solitude teaches you that your worth doesn’t rise or fall based on who texts back, who chooses you, who praises you, or who shows up. Instead, it reminds you that:
- Your voice matters.
- Your needs matter.
- Your desires aren’t too much.
- Your joy matters.
- Your energy deserves peace.
Solitude is where women finally give themselves permission to exist without needing to be performative.
Why Solitude Hits Different in Your Midlife Era
I don’t know how many of you are like me, but going into my 40s there was little I found more comforting than my own company. I lived alone with my dog and often would find reasons to hit the town solo. Maybe I’d go to a bar to watch hockey or take myself on an all-day date (one of my favorite things to do). One time, I decided to go to a concert at the spur of the moment and only realized later that I was so used to doing things by myself that I didn’t even think to invite another person. I really took the art of solitude to a whole new level subconsciously and had a blast doing so.
Women in their late 30s and 40s are moving through one of the most quietly transformative seasons of their lives. Hormones begin to shift, identities stretch and evolve, and careers often take new shape either boldly or subtly. Relationships deepen or dissolve, and motherhood (whether beginning, expanding, or redefining) reshapes the way you see yourself and the world. Your boundaries sharpen, your priorities crystallize, and suddenly the things you tolerated in your 20s feel impossible to carry now. This is just another transition in life that many women experience. Your needs, goals, and identity are evolving, and you can approach this phase with clarity and a stronger commitment to taking care of yourself. And what better place than solitude to get grounded and start this new stage in your life?
In the quiet, you begin to hear yourself again . . . the real you. Your intuition starts speaking in a language you can understand and trust again. You begin to recognize things about yourself that you hadn’t paid attention to in a long time. When you weren’t looking, your needs and parts of your identity became buried under stress, routine, and responsibility. But I truly believe that with some time spent in intentional quiet, you’ll learn to reconnect with yourself confidently and with more honesty.
Solitude Isn’t Boring — It’s a Practice
Solitude is something you cultivate like a garden. Like any sacred ritual, solitude unfolds slowly. At first it feels unfamiliar . . . then it feels peaceful . . . then it feels pleasurable . . . and eventually, it feels necessary.
Start small. You don’t have to start big. You only have to start present.
Here are gentle ways to begin practicing the art of being with yourself:
1. The 10-Minute Soft Sit
Sit alone without music, TV, or your phone.
Just breathe.
Notice what feelings surface: curiosity, discomfort, calm. All of it is information.
2. The Solo Meal
Eat without distractions.
Taste your food.
Hear your thoughts.
Let silence hold you.
3. The Outing for One
Take yourself somewhere that is calming to you:
a park, bookstore, café, thrift store, museum.
Let yourself be without needing a companion to validate the experience.
4. The Permission Slip
Give yourself permission to enjoy something alone:
a hobby, a drive, a drink, a bath.
No explanations. No guilt.
5. The Home Reset Ritual
Tidy one small space.
Light a candle.
Let your environment reflect the peace you’re creating internally.
These small practices train your nervous system to feel safe and nourished in solitude. They’re how you teach your body that it’s safe to be with yourself, and that self-connection can feel good.
Why Solitude Makes You Badass
When it comes to the art of solitude, what nobody tells you is when you take the time to love your own company, everything in your life shifts:
- You stop accepting half-love or half-effort.
- You stop chasing what’s not choosing you.
- You stop ignoring your intuition.
- You stop apologizing for your needs.
- You stop shrinking to fit into relationships or environments that never honored you.
Solitude makes you a badass because a woman who is at home in herself becomes harder to manipulate, easier to love, and impossible to replace.
Solitude Makes You a Better Partner, Mother, and Friend
Women often think that solitude equals selfishness. But solitude is what keeps you from burning out and becoming resentful. And if you’re a mother, a partner, a leader, or a friend; solitude doesn’t take away from those most important to you. It, in fact, strengthens you for them.
Because solitude gives you:
- Patience
- Perspective
- Emotional regulation
- Creativity
- Self-compassion
- Room to breathe
You hear it all the time. It’s no secret that you can’t pour into anyone, not a child, not a partner, not a friend, if you’re always running on fumes. Being alone teaches you how to refill because solitude helps you refill deeply and with intention.
Solitude Helps You Fall Back in Love with Yourself
When you spend time alone without judgment or distraction, you meet yourself again. You reconnect with the self you used to be before life happened. The self that has been lost beneath responsibilities and exhaustion. You remember the woman who was once bold, curious, and open. Solitude gives her space to return.
A Final Reflection: What if You Became Your Own Safe Place?
Imagine loving your alone time so deeply that silence no longer feels threatening, validation stops being a requirement, and you no longer abandon yourself just to feel chosen. You start to recognize the difference between real connection and mere attention, and your decisions begin to come from alignment instead of fear or habit. That’s what solitude teaches you. Not loneliness, but a kind of inner clarity that opens doors inside you that relationships alone could never reach.
This is the art of solitude!
