9 Things to Let Go of After 40
Turning 40 is something I literally never thought about until it happened. Did I think I’d be in my 30s forever? Definitely not. So then what was I expecting? Entering this new decade was a mystery somehow. I had no idea how to navigate it. But then 41 came along and I didn’t turn into a bridge troll, and I realized this next stage in life doesn’t have to be scary. Once I gained my 4th-decade-footing I began to appreciate how absolutely dope it is being a 40-something millennial in this day and age. It dawned on me that there’s something truly liberating about turning 40. It’s been a time of self-discovery, confidence, and stepping into who I really am. But to fully embrace this new chapter, I think we can all agree there are things to let go of that just might be holding us back. Let’s move into this next era of our lives as confident as we truly can. Here’s a little list I came up with 9 things you should give up after 40 for good!
1. Caring What Others Think
One of my favorite quotes is “What other people think about me is none of my business.” I mean, by now, you’ve probably realized that you can’t please everyone, so why keep trying? At our big age we should be spending our time figuring out the things that make us happy. We should be working on ourselves so we can live fulfilled and stress-free lives. And I don’t know about you, but I truly believe that its really never too late to decide that its okay to stop worrying about external validation and start making choices that genuinely align with our values and desires.
I say from experience, that once you lift the weight of outside expectations, you will immediately feel lighter. How can we make this happen for ourselves? Well, it no doubt takes practice. But like with everything else, practice makes better =) For starters you can use daily affirmation cards, journals, or even personal mantras. (I love, love, love this Self-Love Workbook, I’ve used it myself, and I can’t say enough about it!) Also don’t forget to say beautiful things to yourself every single morning. And don’t discount self-help books or even therapy.
2. Toxic Relationships
Dump the partner! Cancel the parent! Ditch the friend! Life is too short to spend time with people who drain your energy or don’t support your growth. I know walking away is not always easy. Many times you’ve invested so much into the relationships we’re in, that maybe turning away feels like erasing all the work you’ve already done. Maybe it even feels like you’re leaving someone you care about high and dry. But think about it… continuing to stay in toxic relationships can be detrimental to your mental and emotional states. In some cases it can be threatening or even dangerous. And at the end of the day none of it is worth your peace. Whether it’s a friend, partner, parent or colleague, if the relationship feels toxic, it’s time to walk away. Create a safe space and surround yourself with people who uplift you and inspire you. Again, therapy works wonders. Of all the things to let go of, this one just might save your life!
3. Comparing Yourself to Others
I can probably make a pretty safe bet that a large percentage of us have, at some point, fallen deep into a social-media doom-scrolling black hole. Society has been telling women since before I can remember that we’re not skinny or tall enough. That we shouldn’t be too smart or that we need to be polite even in the face of danger. Basically that we are not, and never will be, good enough as we are. And since social media entered the scene, it has created the perfect space for us to take our media-induced insecurities and carry them around in our pocket-sized smart phones. Now we can compare ourselves to the perfectly polished lives of influencers all day every day. Social media makes it so insanely easy to fall into the comparison trap but remember, what you see online is often just highlight reels. At the end of the day, your journey is uniquely yours, and you need to take pride in that. Being human and imperfect is a beautiful thing, and you’ll miss it if you’re too busy watching what the Susie Homemaker robot is doing. Focus on your own growth and celebrate how far you’ve come.
4. Chasing Perfection
I get it! There are aspects of my life where my perfectionism shines right on through! But ultimately chasing perfection is unrealistic and often fruitless so what’s even the point? Instead of striving for it, embrace progress. The absolutely beautiful and imperfect mess of the real moments of our lives are what make life beautiful. Here’s a tip: Instead of perfection, try being more direct and intentional with your goals. Instead of looking perfect, aim for looking polished, fit, or healthy. Don’t aim for a perfect career but instead, a career that’s accomplished or stable. You strive for a perfect relationship but maybe one that is fun, communicative, and safe is a more realistic and satisfying goal.
5. Neglecting Self-Care
One thing we’re no longer going to do is neglect ourselves. We are worthy of care! We deserve to be kind to ourselves! Gone are the days of putting yourself last. I don’t care what anyone has told you but not only is self-care not selfish but it is, in fact, 100% essential. Starting today you’re going to start doing a little something once a day or once a week or even once a month that is for your self-care journey. You can draw a bath using some dope bath soaks or aromatherapy, enjoy a glass of wine alone in cozy pajamas, or sleep in an extra hour. Go for a nice brisk walk, sit in a sauna, or take a kick boxing class. Whether it’s skincare, exercise, or simply taking time to breathe, I am challenging you to prioritize yourself starting today.
6. Following fashion trends & Fads
Now, look… At this stage in our lives we really need to be owning our personal style. Fashion trends that come and go are cute and all but having a beautiful wardrobe of well-fitting carefully selected pieces should be our goal. Ditch anything that doesn’t make you feel amazing and build a wardrobe that reflects your true style. If you’re not sure where to begin or have a limited budget, then a capsule wardrobe is a perfect way to get started. If you’re not sure what that means, a capsule wardrobe is a small collection of key pieces of clothing that can be mixed and matched to make a large number of cohesive outfits. For example, turning 20 clothing items into 60+ outfits. Remember that confidence is timeless so lean into it!
7. Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
Saying no is, for most, one of the hardest things to master… but once you do, it can also be the most freeing. We are at a point in our lives where we shouldn’t be doing things we don’t feel like doing anymore. Your time and energy are precious and you should be spending it doing things that move your spirit. I always say I’ll only do things that make me happy, make me better, or make me money. So, set boundaries and just say no. The people who truly respect you will understand and support the fact that you’re doing what’s good for you.
8. Fear of Aging
Anyone who gives me a hard time about my age is essentially someone who is giving me a hard time for not being dead yet. It baffles me that people can’t see how dope it is to get older. Aging is a privilege! We only get better as we get older and by now we really should also be happier, more relaxed, and comfortable in our skin. Shift your focus to self-care, growth, and embracing the wisdom that comes with experience.
9. Let go of Regrets!
A song by one of my favorite bands has a song called “Forget Regret.” I love the sentiment so much I tattooed it on my arm. Sometimes there have been decisions that we’ve made, actions we’ve taken, or words we may have said that we regret. It’s easy to then hang onto that regret as a form of self-punishment. It begs the question, how do we release ourselves from this? Of all the things to let go of, this one teaches us that the past is a lesson, not a life sentence so we have to find a way to move past our transgressions. In my opinion there are at least three ways we can release regret.
- Take accountability and apologize to the person you may have hurt or done wrong. A lot of times a genuine apology is all people need to hear.
- Do something for the person who you’ve wronged in a way they would appreciate. It doesn’t erase the past but could be a way to show accountability through action.
- Give yourself grace because at the end of the day, even when we do something wrong or bad to ourselves, it doesn’t make our lives better to sit and wallow in the bad decisions. If you need permission to move on, then consider this that permission.
Just remember, when it comes to the things we may regret in our lives we must learn from them, and grow from them, but not dwell on them. The best years of your life are still ahead of you and I promise you’ll want to be mentally and emotionally present for it all.
Before You Go…
For me, turning 40 is not even close to the end. On the contrary, it’s just the beginning. And I can’t think of a better way to make space for more joy and freedom than understanding that these things to let go of are the key to jumping in fully to the most authentic version of yourself right now. So embrace this new chapter and remember that you are always and forever the main character in your own story!
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