Unapologetically Badass: How to Stay True to Yourself in Your 40s
I don’t know what I was expecting my life to be when I got to my 40s, but I can definitely tell you I wasn’t anticipating feeling so confused about where I was supposed to fit in. For some reason I couldn’t figure out what clothes to wear or where to go to grab a drink anymore. I mean, I had some ideas about what I didn’t want but was struggling to find what I did want, and after much needed self-reflection I came to the conclusion that I was still dope. I just needed to grab my old self and bring it to meet me where I was. Figuring out this whole getting older thing was starting to become clearer. For example, instead of cheap Hot Topic studded belts . . . I now wear my leather in the form of vintage jackets. So, yes, while learning how to stay true to yourself in this new era of our lives can be tough, it’s also totally doable.
Being alternative, creative, or offbeat in your 40s isn’t about clinging to your younger self. It’s about owning every version you’ve ever been and merging that with who you want to be now. Forget being cool, it’s time now to be badass!
First of All . . . You’re still dope!
When we were in our 20s life was about going to the coolest clubs, nonexistent skin care routines, core memories with more friends than you could count, and that carefree abandon that comes with not worrying if what we did would show up on social media the next day. And our 30s were even better. Our careers were blossoming, our families were young, our friendships were proving to still be solid, and life for many was really starting to come together. Of course, our stories vary, but at the core of it, our 20s and 30s are kind of just handed to us. When you think about it, those years were just as predictable as they were unforgettable, and we loved that for us.
But now we’re in our 40s and the message is clear. We’re not valued the way we were when we were younger. The choices we made in the last couple decades (whether good or bad) are the ones we have to live with now. And the hobbies, interests, and old friendships we used to hold so dear have all fallen to the bottom of our heap of responsibilities.
So, if you haven’t heard it recently, I’m here to tell you that you are still dope. You are still that incredible woman you’ve always been. If you were funny in your 20s, you’re still funny! If you were adventurous in your 30s, you still are today! Yeah, maybe putting yourself first feels like a thing of the past but today is a new day and another chance to reclaim your life.
Maybe your “wild nights” look different now . . . candles, vinyl records, laughter with your people, or just silence and space that you carved out for yourself. But the energy? I promise it’s still the same.
Your dopeness is real and it’s deep. It’s doing what’s authentic to you and not what’s trending.
It’s who you still are.
Your true self.
The Evolution of Rebellion
I have to be honest, when I think of rebellion, I think of being young, dumb, passionate, unafraid and intentionally oppositional. And while we are at the age where young, dumb, and purposefully being a menace is a thing of our past; passionate and unafraid should still be a part of our everyday language. There’s nothing saying that now that we’re in our 40s our voices should be silenced. So be heard and remember, it’s okay to not be liked by everyone. Now, does this mean be loud for no reason? Be an insufferable human? Argue against humanity, love, and inclusion or tear down others to amplify yourself? In my opinion, absolutely not. But a little rebellion at our big age is important, because it’s no longer about sneaking out, dyeing your hair, or blasting music your parents hated. Instead, it’s about saying no without explanation, walking away from chaos because you value peace and loving your body regardless to what society tries telling us is beautiful.
So yeah, you’re still a rebel. But you’ve just outgrown needing an audience for it. Becoming your true self is the ultimate act of rebellion and that, my friend, is the flex.
The Art of Staying Your True Self
I don’t know about you, but there are some things from my youth that will always and forever be a part of who I am at the core. I’m still getting tattooed and going to hardcore and punk shows. I enjoy going out day drinking here and there and I love getting loud at hockey games. So, the things people might consider “wild” “alt” or “offbeat” are just the things that are in my details. I’m too old to try to prove to anyone that I’m cool. I worked hard to be who I am and at the end of the day I don’t care if I fit a box or not. And you shouldn’t either. If, you still like to get dressed up and go dancing, perform every word to 90s rap in your car, or get a little too mimosa happy at brunch, then embrace those things. Not as something that makes you cool or whatever, but as the things that make you happy and feel like yourself. We’re all about embracing our true selves. I don’t want to ever be 21 again and neither should you!
So instead of telling yourself you’re “too old” to do this or that . . . maybe try some of the following:
- Redefine your aesthetic: Your style is allowed to change and still stay the same. Docs, for example, are timeless.
- Reimagine ritual: Sing your heart out on your way home from work instead of on your way to the club. Watch sports at home with some wine instead of binging beer at a bar. Go to a fancy dinner with your kids instead of with a dating-app-rando.
- Keep curiosity alive: Read something new, try a new creative outlet, or take a solo day just to wander and notice your surroundings.
It’s not about staying youthful . . . it’s about staying you.
Emotional Stability Is the New Black
When we were young being slightly unhinged was kind of cute, a little endearing, and totally forgivable. But there’s no way we can get away with that now, nor should we even want to. These days getting the reins around our mental and emotional health is both necessary and attractive. I know that’s not a message we heard growing up, but it is so true.
At the end of the day, being Zen is not boring. Knowing your triggers and not taking the bait? Iconic. Protecting your energy, keeping your peace, and choosing alignment over attention? That’s the most magnetic form of power there is.
So when people mistake your chill for “maturity,” smile and thank your therapist, because those people have no idea how much work went into this kind of peace.
Before You Go…
Learning how to stay true to yourself once you’ve hit your 40s can be a tricky road to figure out. But at the core of it, you’re still the badass you’ve always been. I know it’s easy to lose ourselves in piles of laundry or let our voices be overshadowed by babys’ cries. But the image of you that you love and miss is still in you somewhere, and your 40s is all about being the polished, healthy, and balanced version of her. This isn’t about trying to stay cool or youthful . . . It’s just all simply about meeting yourself where you are and amplifying that woman in all her glory. Take the time to learn how to lead your life, and mind, with love and intention. You’re the badass now.
I send out notes like this every other week!
Reminders, and reflections for living your true self.
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